Friday, September 24, 2010

journey of patience

i get nauseated at the thought of blogging at times because i am sooo terrible at keeping up. i WILL do better! i WiLL! so much to catch up on... so ill be brief as i fill you with months past & present.
ive realllly been missing photography, just had to throw that in there. since my last post, i have gotten pregnant (yay).
this pregnancy has been a bit different, well a lot different. after loosing wyatt august 31st of 2009, because of an incompetent cervix, my doctor suggested doing a cervical cerclage. at 13 weeks, i got "sown up". since the end of july i have been VERY limited on my activity. i am not allowed to do any exercise, housework, cleaning, etc. at first, yes i thought it would be nice. NO, do not wish for bed rest of any sort. soooo many people think it would be so wonderful, as i did.
God has taught me so much through this experience. i would like to share with you along the (rest) of the way what i have learned!
when i first became pregnant, i lived minute by minute in fear.
is my baby going to make it?
will i make it full term?
can i live through another loss?
why me?
after weeks and months of stress, sadness & fear, i realized i was not being who God wanted me to be. My hair was falling out, my thoughts and actions were doing nothing but giving the devil a foothold to pull me down. this was no way for me to carry on. not only was i hurting God, i was hurting my husband, family and my unborn child.
trusting God means giving Him my EVERYTHING. that incluldes my pregnancy. each day is a blessing. daily prayer, thanksgiving, reading scripture has transformed me from a "hot mess" to basically someone who has no clue what the future holds, but i do know that God has a plan for me, and his plan is perfect. this life was given to me and i am not in control. there are many verses that i have loved lately, one of my favorites is :
"my soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me." psalm 63:8
i am currently 21.6 weeks pregnant. praying every single day that i make it to at least 32 weeks.
will i COPE with this modified bed rest and waist my time away or will i CONQUER this precious time and grow as a person in every way?
my husband, family & friends have been SO incredible.
cleaning, cooking, taking me to target to ride in the hover around etc.
i am blessed.
i continue to crave marinara sauce and always chocolate, therefore my pregnancy continues.
uggghh i could just eat all day. not good when exercise is not allowed.
i have recently began to feel little LC move all around in my belly. there are no words to explain how it feels, so amazing, yet not real all at the same time!
every wednesday, there is a nurse who comes to my house to give me a shot to help prevent preterm labor. hate the shots, but she listens to her heart beat and i LoVe it!
my goal is to conquer everyday and be thankful for ALL of my blessings.
until next post, which will be sOOn :) i will add a picture of some item in the nursery, oh and we are expecting a little girl, Lyles Corrine Lee! anytime in December or January would be great for her to make her appearance :)

ok.. not the greatest quality, this was taken with my iphone at random. i am limited on going up and down the steps, so this will do for now! this is one of my favorite things in the nursery. its a long narrow quilt that was my moms. it was somewhat of my inspiration for colors etc. to me it feels calm, sweet, innocent with a funky flare as its draped over the yellow iron bed! more pics to come :)


Susan P. said...

see, now that wasn't so hard now, was it?! ;) listening to your mind think :)

Anonymous said...

You are the cutest thing. First let me say that I LOVE LOVE LOVE your baby name! Where did you come up with Lyles???? Second, praying for you and sweet little LC (look, she even has a cute nick name!). glad things are going well so far...other than the bedrest of course. one of my good friends just had her little girl, Eden, and she was on bedrest like you but for a tilted cervix. anyway, praying for a healthy baby. and hopefully the rest will fly by for you. i guess not so much since you are just laying there, but glad things are going smoothly so far.

Amanda said...

Hi fren!!
So, whether you realize it or not, you are an inspiration, a ray of light, and an example of a faithful servant to so many. Your strength also amazes me. I pray for you and to be as strong as you!
Can't wait for our next lunch date. And, yes, there will be cupcakes! CUPCAKES!!! Now, if I could just find marinara sauce.